Saturday, 26 September 2020

The wait.......

It has been always easy if you know the things before they happen or know the outcome after they happened. However, the uneasiness of unpredictable and unwanted unknown is always self-consuming. 

It is easier to you say "go with the flow" but what if you don't want to swim or if you get drowned? We all have the sense of security with known things and people, however, insecurity peeps in with strangers and unknowns. But how you deal with known strangers when you wish to trust the unknown.

Recently, we have come to know that one of our friends have been found positive with dreaded word Covid-19. The very first reaction was the shiver down the spine to accept the fact that we could also be next in the line. The uneasy moments after the news, when you start recalling the every second of your of encounter with people. 

The time you start from your home, security guy nods at you, thankfully you are covered from head to toe and moving away from him. Next, you stop at different traffic signals where you stare at uncovered faces but thankfully it takes a few seconds and your cross them. What about the parking, when you stop and come out of your comfort, you check everything and everyone around, thankfully people are at distance. Now you adjust your mask, put a face shield and feel protected when you walk through the strangers without looking at them. During your walk, you keep avoiding any closeness with strangers and enter in the building where you work. What about the lift? the most uncomfortable moments when you wait till no one use it, but you can't be fortunate and late always. So you share that steel box with others. You start juggling with your phone to hide the anxious moments while avoiding any physical contact with people and the steel frames. Finally, you reach your floor, get your temperature checked, marked your presence and reach to your spot.

Then you greet your colleagues with a nod and smile while showering everything that you think might have touched somewhere in 70% ethanol solution. Now you lower your guard, drop your shield and lift the mask to breathe fresh air. Others follow you because we are known to each other, what harm a known entity can bring when we have been sharing since years? 

With all those uneasy moments, that you have started in the morning, you wish to forget and live normally, chat with colleagues, share your lunch, enjoy a cup of coffee and lose the uneasiness. However, the air you breathe, the touch you seek, the bread you share, the coffee you spill have something unseen. You might be able to wash your 70% guilt of unknown touch but 30% of known hands give you unwanted that you never seek.

The everyday business goes, as usual, you cover yourself with mask whenever see someone and rinse your hands with alcohol when touching something. At the end of the day, you pack your stuff hurriedly, change your mask, put the face shield, and, move like you were never there. You nod towards your colleagues with the thought tomorrow will be better with fewer people around and leave for the day. Somehow avoiding all known and unknown touches and rub, you reach home, discard the mask, lift the shield and rinse your self with ethanol and soap water. Clothes are never reused for the next day without wash so does go for yourself. You don't wish to come close to people you love without being safe in mind. You wash your skin till it starts peeling, and clean everything that you might have touched to get rid of the thought of anything harmful. 

Finally, you feel safe to breathe again and live again in your house till the next day come. Then suddenly expected but unwanted happens, then you come to know that after all the untouchability you practice you weren't invincible? A shared bread or piece of cake might have broken through the fort of your defence. Someone known turned positive last night and you lost sleep for days to come thinking you will be next until you get your tests done.

And the wait continues...

-rituraj



  

4 comments:

  1. Awesome...
    U painted your thoughts so well, I can almost feel them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I hope, I could bring more justice to the feeling of so many going through this everyday.

      Delete
  2. Love the article. It describes every step amidst this journey so correctly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, next chapter will come soon to complete the journey.

      Delete