Lisboa Diaries

Every day since the day I arrived here. Lisboa/ Lisbon has something different to offer which has never been heard and said before.
I was very sceptical about the new experiences and changes around myself.
Being a foreign student in the most prestigious university in this country gives a sense of pride.
From the very first moment when I put my foot on this land, I felt a strong connection within. The first night I spent in a very small room of my promised apartment but next morning things started changing all round.
My flatmates were non-Portuguese, so English become a way of communication with all. Slowly, I started learning greetings and saying "Obrigado" to each and everyone.
When you arrived a place which speaks a different language, eat different foods, wear different wardrobes and still accept you as their one. You will be astonished and surprised to their humbleness and innocence.

Paused moments +FB's friends

This has been years since I met my friends from schools, colleges and previous workplaces.
Today, I was looking at my FB friend list and found I have more or less 300 friends but in reality, I hardly know about 30 of them.
When  I was scrolling down on my list then I started recalling them by their name and time period when we became friends. In these many years, I never gave a second thought about their lives may be they did same. Yup, it is true they might have liked most of my pics from exotic locations and life events. I might have done the same without even looking at them. I hardly know names of their partners and their children and I guess they must not be aware of what I do exactly.
Sometimes, I feel to unfriend most of them because we no longer have a friendship which really reflects on our lives. But, I couldn't do it, reason must be a sense of belonging. Every friend on that list is my past or present, there is no guarantee that they 'll go in future too, Still, they hold some pieces of me when I had met them.
It is true, we are no longer getting affected by our friends from FB, we can't remember their full name forgot the birthdays and anniversaries. Ya, it feels good to see the number of posts on our timeline on our birthdays and number of likes on our pics. The feeling of being known to many gives a false celebrity feeling to us which we like as much as we like our selfies.
Instead of all this, I tried to look into my friends' timelines and realise I missed many things of their lives.
I missed to wish them on their birthdays, their marriages or anniversaries, new jobs, new house and new lives. I missed being part of their lives. But neither, they care about it any longer nor I feel left out. Yes, we are still friends some might have changed their phone numbers or places which I don't know still we are friends.
I recalled the days before being dependent of Technology this much. We used to write on our slam books with multi-colours so that people could remember us. The diary with addresses looks like secrets to the new world with friends only.
I never had the besties but always have the best of them.
Sometimes, When I scroll down on my phone and thinking to call someone and finally looking at all the numbers and thinking about the last call which I hardly recall. Then, I couldn't finalise to call whom and put the phone down.
Still, I have many friends and I believe I am also from the list of many FB's Posts.
Don't know exactly what I miss about all of them but I missed being a friend to all, so do they.

What hit you most?

What hit you most?

When life starts crumbling in front you, when you lose contact with yourself, when except you all look moving ahead of you, when you realise you are fighting a battle of lost war. What hit you when you find you are no longer the person you wished to be.
Life is changing like a course of a river, but we know all rivers meet in ocean and ocean never changes. Then, nothing changes ever only our perceptive to see them have changed with time. And when the time changes you change or not, never matters you will be affected.
There are many stories of fallen heroes and victorious dark horses. None of the stories really connect with you when you find your story doesn't worth to be heard by someone. Where you will go when your dreams chase you, when your image dishonours you, when your shadow stalks you?

Nothing matters if you sit and think that you were just an observer of yourself who has gone through all and have to go through again  and again.
Burn the world upside down or burn yourself in your agony, the fire within will rise again and again.

Hu bhi,aur nahi bhi hu main.

Jindigi agar bas sans lena ka naam h,

toh main jinda hu..

Bina tere agar jina jindigi h, 

toh main jinda hu

Ho ke tujh se door kanhi

rahna jindigi h,

toh main jinda hu,

teri khamosi me chhupi meri bate h,

hoti h aur se bate, fir bhi me

main khamosh hu,

Har chahre me dhundta jise,

aayne me jo dikhta mujhe

hu bhi aur hu nahi bhi main,

Hu tumse ya koi nahi main.

Mil ke bhi sab se, khoya rahta hu,

Hu sath sab ke fir bhi 

akela rahta hu,

Tera hu main,

Fir kyu tujh se alag rahta hu

Jindigi nahi fir 

kyu main

jinda rahta hu.

Let'me dream with awaken eyes

Hope that, this is all a dream, either I am dead or nothing is true.
What if,I have believed so far is not real or I am a dream itself of myself. It may be true, I just see what I wish to see, if something else comes in front of me I question my existence or the reality of the time where it belongs. Everything must be a dream, otherwise, I won't be seeing this.
 A feeling of trust comes when I see myself in my mirror but when it cracks I see my multiple facets and don't know which one is my true face. Either I have many faces or mirror is showing me its own.
"Where does it go when you know you are going nowhere"?
 When you dream with awake eyes there is less chance to end up with a broken dream.   A Dead dream will always wake you up.

"Hope there would be someone,Whom I have dreamed for. Wish there would be one Whom I have waited for, Believe there must be one, who has loved this one".

Who we are?

Every day starts with some expectations of others and some dreams of self, but every night ends with some dreams of others and some expectations from self.
Who we are in reality?
From the first day of our life to till the last breath of life, we are confused to understand who we are. The day we born, we come late but our relations come before us. We become sons and daughters of our parents, brothers and sisters of our siblings and so many other attached relations. No one has ever asked us about our will to make any new relation. All the relations are already decided for us without any choice. It is not about complaining but it is about the freedom to choose new relation of our own. One relation which we make by our own in this life is friends. Still all other predetermined relations feel unhappy about that.
Our life is a pre-designed plan of our relations if we try to change a piece of that plan, all others feel hurt.
Then who we are?
A planned baby or a mistake, a bless or a curse, a reason for joy or sorrow for someone. If we are taught to live our lives with our dreams and their expectations then why both get exchanged always. Why making ourselves happy doesn't make all others happy. Why it is termed as outrageous when we decide to do something of our own, why it is seen as outlawed when we try to chase our own dreams.
If we are the flowers of a garden and gardener wants to give us best possible care and protection, so that we can bloom at fullest. But when care starts suffocating, protection starts forbidding then we start dying rather blooming.
Love and care can be regressive if they blind the person who loves and can be dangerous for the person whom they love.
A beautiful bird could lose her sheen and voice when she will be caged on  the name of protection and care.
Love is not pure if it is not making the person you love free from your love, Care cannot be true if it is not giving space for growth to whom you care.
Most of the times intentions are pure but actions are mixed with possessiveness, jealousy and ego.
They stop realizing that they are no longer loving or caring us, but their ego.
Again Love dies because of ego.

Ek Lamhe me

It become intolerable now then he raised his voice again.

Ek lamhe me hi bhul gayi wo salo ki bate,

Thod diya har sapno ko,

Chod diya is apne ko..

Ek lamhe me hi bhul gayi wo salo ki bate,

Mita gayi wo lakire hatho se
hata gayi wo badal sapno ke
Ek lamhe me hi bhul gayi wo salo ki bate,
Kissa ab ye mashhur hoga,
Dil thoda h ab toh dard jarur hoga..
Hogi numayis ab Isq ki,
Sareaam ab firse mohhabt badnam hoga..
Ek lamhe me hi bhul gayi wo us ahsash ko
Ek lamhe me hi bhul gayi wo hr aadhure-pure jajbat ko
Ek lamhe me hi bhul gayi wo mujhe,mere pyar ko..
Ek lamhe me hi ab ji li maine jindgiya kai,
Ek lamhe me hi ab humne pa li hr khushiya nai,
Ek lamhe me hi ab ho gayi sari aarzoo puri,
Ek lamhe me ab rakha kya h jina kya jab jindgi lage na
Ek lamhe sa bhi Jaroori .
Ek lamhe me hi bhul gayi wo salo ki bate.